Stuff to make you LOL! I promise!
Got this from a niece today and it had me LOL!
I had not seen this before...some of you may have-if so-SORRY!
sorry, i just couldnt resist...
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the
other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well,
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The
kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor
replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
themto disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved
off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends
a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at
least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in